And, of course, leave it to TV to pull my attention back to this blog; it is the greatest form of story-telling.
[Note: Still's Disease is nicknamed "The Dragon" by those it chose because it lies in hiding, waiting to break out of its cave and breathe its fire and wreak its havic]
Here's some great writing from Everwood:
Princeton Essay, Written By Ephraim
Tell us about yourself in such a way that we will have a good sense of who you are; 500 words.
I wish you would've asked me that two years ago. I could've told you exactly who I was, who I'd be. Two years ago I knew it all and the thing is, I was right. Plans are like candy to the Fates. The only thing you could ever be sure of is nothing ever goes the way you imagined. I should probably be used to that by now. The thing is you can never tell when everything you counted on might fall apart – no matter how solid the rock. Rocks break. Everything changes, even when you think you’re sure, especially. To be fair, if I was one of the Fates looking down at the best laid plans of dumb little people, I'd probably see mine and want to mess with them too. You want to know about me in 500 words? I get scared sometimes and disappointed. I have doubts and I love getting my way. I don’t like change, but I know it's good for me and inevitable so I welcome it as best I can. There’s a poem by Johann Franck that says it better than I will. "Defy the old dragon, defy fear. The world may rage and quake but I shall remain singing in perfect peace." Yeah, things happen – things you don’t expect – or want or like. The world rages and you become someone you didn’t know you’d ever be. And there you are, in your clothes, in your life, this is my future, this is me. This is me and I want things I never thought I would. I want the possibilities a school like Princeton can afford. A place to grow, meet new people. A place to be surprised when life turns out to be nothing like I imagined. You have to be grateful for it – in perfect peace.
In junior high I decided I wanted to go to Stanford. That's when the plan started to take shape. You know, the twenty year plan for your life that everyone continues to foolishly encourage children to make. I believe we still call it "The American Dream"...
I often wish someone would have told me the truth: that life is hard and it never turns out how you thought it would, but that doesn't mean it won't be beautiful and meaningful, and that that's all you can really hope for and ask for anyway. I wish someone, anyone, would have been wise enough to tell me my story needed conflict and hardship, because without it, it wouldn't be beautiful and meaningful...
It's kind of funny how well you know yourself, or think you know yourself, when you are an adolescent. I'm starting to think that the most intelligent and mature and adult people in this world are the ones brave enough to admit that they don't know who they are...
The thing that scares me everyday I'm brave enough to face it, is that, if my plans from Junior High had come to be, I couldn't and wouldn't be here today with the ability to sing in "perfect peace". Yeah, I often look in the mirror and don't recognize who I am anymore, but I know, without a single doubt, I don't want to see the old me ever again. She never would have stopped to look at her life and sing in perfect peace.
Mind you, it wasn't always this way. I mean, people meet me now, eight years after being diagnosed with Still's Disease and watching my plans crumble from underneath me, and they are stunned at the "perfect peace" I have. They look at me in wonder at my lack of anger. I try to explain how they should have known me for the first three or four years, and they nod like they understand, but they don't. Not really. Not completely. They can't imagine the anger. The loss. The frustration. It was dark and overwhelming for years. I thought it would devour me. I thought I would drown in it. I thought I'd never escape Death's shadow. I thought I'd never escape my own darkness. I still can't believe it's not like that all the time anymore. I mean, it comes back, in moments and bits and pieces, but that's just to remind me there is always more to grow, towards acceptance and peace.
At the time the changes that were happening because of Still's Disease seemed to happen so quickly, overwhelmingly fast, but I look back at these eight years, and I see how much farther I've yet to go. Yet to change. Yet to grow. And I'm worried it's going to take forever. This dragon, Still's Disease, it can do whatever it wants whenever it wants, and yeah, that scares me. But what's starting to scare me more, is that if something as big as Stills can come into my life and change everything, who's to say something new won't come any day now and do the same thing. Some new dragon. Some new fear.
I guess, though, if there's one thing to mention now, that I've learned from knowing everything changes and everything needs to change in order to make a story beautiful and meaningful, is that we're here for a very specific reason: To defy the old dragon, defy fear. The world will rage and quake, and we are here to learn to sing in perfect peace no matter what change, or conflict, or difficulty, or pain, or suffering comes our way. And it will come. It has to. And maybe, hopefully, if we work together, if we are honest with one another, especially the younger ones in our lives, we can learn to be grateful for it--in perfect peace, the way He planned it.
Say it with me:
"Defy the old dragon, defy fear. The world [will] rage and quake but I shall remain singing in perfect peace." Amen.
Posted with Blogsy
We are really enjoying being immersed in "Everwood" and because of Ephram's playing and Amy's Dad mentioning this from that episode, here I am reading "Defy the Dragon" and learned like he did, that Bach added the words to his music.
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