GLIMPSES OF HER, GLIMPSES OF HIM

A few times a week, if I keep up with twitter, I think to myself, "This girl can't be real". And I've said it before on this blog, so now I feel even crazier because I'm starting to sound like a fan girl of a 19 year old Disney star. And if I'm thinking that, I don't want to know what all of you are thinking.

 

Fan girl. Well...crap, yeah. I'll give in on this one. I believe in this one. I have to. I need to.

 

Seriously, you've gotta believe me on this one: Debby Ryan is the best Disney has ever found and may ever find.

 

She can't be 19! She just can't. No mind can turn such elusive, abstract, emotionally complex thoughts into such art, let alone thoughts of wisdom uncovered during adolescence! It just can't be possible. They must have made her in a George Lucas factory. (Sorry about that one. It was just too easy.)

 

I mean, who sees the world the way she does, and at her age?!

 

I am crazy. I can hear it. I really can. A 19 year old face of Disney has a brilliant mind, and heart, and soul?

 

I'm going to continue being honest--might as well--which the safety of this screen being so far from yours and the anonymity helps me be, I'm so jealous of the gifts God has given her. They seem boundless, endless and infinite.

 

If some of you think I'm special (in an artistic way this time), which you have stated...you have no idea what's out there--what's in her!

 

All I can do is shake my head in awe of this character in His story.

 

Dear Lord, I'm begging you, keep her in Your hands. Don't let this one stray from You. At all. Ever. Please.

I mean, check out the latest post of hers on her Tumbler: My Mosaic.

 

I give up. I will never know who she really is. None of us will. But that's no matter, for even glimpses of the way she sees His world is magic enough to give us a fresh feeling of renewed faith and hope and truth.

 

For glimpses of her seem to be minute glimpses of what He is capable of.

 

I just hope when she breaks free from the Disney world, if she so chooses, people of all ages and beliefs take her seriously, because what she has to say deserves to be heard--needs to be heard.

 

Until then, to me, it feels like taking the time to try to understand who Debby Ryan is anyway, as she figures out the same, is an invaluable view into the world He created through the eyes, ears, heart, brain, and soul of one of His hand picked creations who can create beautiful and profound ways of interpreting life on His earth.

 

I highly recommend you throw your ignorant presuppositions of "Disney Princesses" out the flipping window, which might as well be nailed, glued, and cemented shut compared to the window God has into her soul and mind, and the window she has into His, and give seeing the world her way for even five minutes.

 

Who knows, maybe something she said will help you and God take some of your brokenness and make something of it. Maybe you just might be able to put the brush to the canvas a little easier as you feel in your bones and soul that sense of wholeness you've unknowingly been begging for and searching for relentlessly every moment of every day since birth. The wholeness that is so other and yet so easy to dream of. The wholeness we've never really felt, not completely, and yet still somehow we know it has to exist and that it is capable of feeling someday...God, we can only hope, can't we?

 

And I can only hope that glimpses of me, and the way I see and feel this story He has given me and us, gives all of you the glimpses of God the way she does for me. And I can only hope that however you share your view of this life God has given us gives all of those around you glimpses of Him and His infinitude and wholeness and love as well.

 

Thank you for listening to my glimpse of a glimpse of a glimpse in this post, and to my glimpses of Him in this blog. May you see a glimpse of that wholeness that is yet to come and hopefully even feel it a little today as well. May that feeling give you strength and faith to endure. May it give you hope. May it help you be even a little more understanding as to why you must break apart into so many agonizing pieces. And God, may it help you (us) be patient enough to let Him take His time to reshape you (us) into the mosaic He had planned for you (us) to be all along.

 

May it encourage you to look for wholeness in the right places, and to always be on the lookout for glimpses of Him and His awe and His truth everywhere, and in everything, and in everyone.

 

May you notice we are all mosaics in the making, who are glimpses into Him, even "Disney Princesses."

 

 

 

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WHAT DO YOU HEAR? (GIVE THEM A BETTER PLACE TO DIE)

One Foot by Fun.

I'm standing in Brooklyn just waiting for something to happen.

I can't help but look thinking that everyone doesn't get it.

To my left there's a window

Where did I go?

My reflection just blends into rows of coats

And bad ideas, but ideas nonetheless and so

I put one foot in front of the other one. (Oh oh oh!)

I don't need a new love or a new life just a better place to die.

I put one foot in front of the other one. (Oh oh oh!)

I don't need a new love or a new life just a better place to die.

I put one foot in front of the other one. (Oh oh oh!)

I don't need a new love or a new life just a better place to die.

I happen to stumble upon a chapel last night.

And I can't help but back up when I think of what happens inside.

I got friends locked in boxes, that's no way to live.

What you call a sin isn't up to them.

After all, after all I thought we were all your children,

But I will die for my own sins thanks a lot.

We'll rise up ourselves thanks for nothing at all,

so up off the ground, our fore fathers are nothing but dust now.

I put one foot in front of the other one. (Oh oh oh!)

I don't need a new love or a new life just a better place to die.

I put one foot in front of the other one. (Oh oh oh!)

I don't need a new love or a new life just a better place to die.

Maybe I should learn to shut my mouth.

I am over twenty-five and I can't make a name for myself some nights I break down and cry

I'm lucky that my father's still alive he's been fighting all his life

and if this is all I'll ever know then may his soul live on forever in my song.

I put one foot in front of the other one. (Oh oh oh!)

I don't need a new love or a new life just a better place to die.

I put one foot in front of the other one. (Oh oh oh!)

I don't need a new love or a new life just a better place to die.

In front of the other one

In front of the other one

Just a better place to die

 
 
I've always loved his lyrics, ever since Freshman year of college. But back then he was the frontman of a band from Arizona called The Format. Their album, Interventions And Lullabies, was our anthem. The only problem was we were Christian.
 
I say it was a problem because his lyrics moved us--they were honest, well written, and had themes of faith, but they weren't always...let's say pro Christian themes of faith.
 
Whether you are listening to his lyrics from years ago, or his current hits with his newly famous band Fun. ...you can't help but feel he was raised with faith. And his lyrics feel like he has been and still is trying to come to terms with how he was raised and with what he has and is experiencing faith to actually be. And if you are an honest Christian, you can relate to that. I know I can.
 
I know that I'm so thankful I questioned the faith I was raised with, because had I not, I wouldn't know God the way I do now. I wouldn't have the relationship I have with Him now. I wouldn't know what life is all about or why we suffer or anything but the "read by rote" basics.
 
I also believe God wants us to ask the big questions. He wants us to be honest with Him. You have to when you are in a relationship. You have to talk, question, listen, and be honest. If you are angry because you feel lonely, tell Him. Think of it this way, since we usually don't, if it's what you would do with a friend, relative, co-worker, close family member, husband, wife, significant other when there is "trouble" why aren't we doing the same with God?
 
Have you read the Psalms or Lamentations lately? Job? Any of the Bible really? They don't always go around trusting God. They yell, scream, cry, cry out, blame, accuse, and get it wrong. But that's ok, because they are working out and working through their faith and relationship with God. And that's what He wants: you to try to figure this life out WITH Him.
 
Look, I know specifically what he is saying in the lyrics above, and look, I'm not trying or going to take this blog to a controversial place. That's not why those lyrics are up there. I do not want to discuss and argue over God's opinion of the LGBT community because, well, I can't tell you what God's opinion is--I'm not Him! I do believe God loves everyone, and I mean everyone. And I will leave that at that for now.
 
What I am trying to do is explain why I love and resonate with this song and these lyrics. Why I was intrigued by and emotionally connected to his lyrics back in college and why I still am now.
 
His lyrics are real. His questions are real. His frustrations are real. And that's all God wants from us. To be real with Him so we can have a relationship with Him.
 
I can see King David having a gay friend and crying out in the night and singing these lyrics--singing this song.
 
But as Christians, we don't think like that much. We would normally hear this song and dismiss it as heresy, blasphemy...all I'm saying, all I'm asking, is for you to look deeper. And take a closer look at the bible! It's not all neat and clean and perfect and wrapped up in a bow. It's real. It's honest. Full of sex, adultery, blood, tears, lies, betrayal, murder...it's real, flawed people trying to get to know God and what that means--just like us.
 
And this song...it would find a home in God's book. I honestly believe that. I honestly believe God hears this guy's cry and prayer through this song and is trying to connect to him. It fits right in with His message. You just got to see things His way, with His eyes and perspective, not the one you think He has or should have.
 
And when you do, you will hear a song like this, and go: "hmmm". And instead of immediately dismissing it because it seems like it has no place in the church, you will look deeper, and ask "why?". Why does this song grab my attention? Why am I drawn to these lyrics? What does he really mean? And what would God actually think? And by doing so, you might just learn to better understand who you are and how you really feel, who God is and how He really feels, and who these people are that almost seem like they want to be God's children, if only God's children represented Him a little better.
 
To me, these lyrics, and his older ones, scream and bleed of a kid who wishes that what Christianity was supposed to be, what it tries to say it is, actually was true. Instead of this stereotypical, hypocritical crowd of flawed believers we have come to be.
 
You know, a kid who wishes we were the kind of people and followers of Christ who wouldn't immediately dismiss this song, but would instead hear God's child's heart breaking and they would know they wanted and needed to do something about it.
 
So...what do you hear? And what will you do about it?
 
Can we, together, one foot in front of the other one, one step at a time...
 
Can we give them a better place to die?
 
 
 
 

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THE PERIOD OF GREATEST GAIN

 

Great Minds Quotes (@GreatestQuotes) 1/1/13 1:17 PM "The period of greatest gain in knowledge and experience is the most difficult period in one's life." - Dalai Lama

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WILL YOU OR WON'T YOU?

Matthew Newton (@matthewcasper) 12/31/12, 7:14 PM

"Will I watch my brothers die, or speak true words into their lives?" #welcometomidnight

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A WELCOME TO MIDNIGHT "RESOLUTION"

I LOVED this from Vanessa on Twitter. "Clinging to Passion". Beautiful.
 
 

	Vanessa (@awkwardcarhugs)
12/31/12, 8:00 PM Letting go of fear, letting go of failure and clinging to passion. Here's to who I am; not who I'm told to be. #welcometomidnight

A DEFINITION OF HOPE

debby (@TheDebbyRyan) 12/30/12 8:37 PM

"RT @iadambutchart: @TheDebbyRyan What's your definition of 'Hope'?"

A reserve of purpose and strength to tap into when the darkness falls?

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HUMAN HISTORY

 

C. S. Lewis (@CSLewisDaily) 10/15/12 12:55 PM Human history is the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy #CSLewis

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SINCERELY, TRUTHFULLY

My Dear L---

Maybe you shouldn't tell anyone your secret. Maybe you should never listen to me.

You know, I had really thought I made progress this year, but in a matter of three days I lost it all. I'm back at square one: a sobbing, lonely, angry, irritable, heartbroken mess.

And besides, what did telling my secret ever do for me? No one is here for me. Not even my parents lately. Everyone gets to go on living their lives, complaining about all the things they "have" to do. God! Do you know how much I beg God to give me the ability to do the things I "have" to do?! I wish I had things to complain about, because at least I would have things...

I have nothing. No one.

No one checks up on me. No one asks how I'm doing. No one sends a card saying they are thinking of me. No one does anything! Practically ever!

They go on living their lives like that's normal. Like it's a burden to be so busy. Some of us dream of being that lucky.

And I sit idly by watching them live and breathe and work and fall in love, alone, in my room, crying myself to sleep from loneliness. Wondering what I did wrong. Why don't they care? Why don't they love me enough to do something for me? Anything? Why have they forgotten about me? What's more important than what I'm barely getting through, and getting through alone?!

All it takes is 30 seconds on Facebook to remind me I have nothing. I have no one. And if I can't be loved for who I am now...what's gonna happen when my life only gets worse? Who will love me then?

God it hurts. Loneliness. It's so much worse than suffering. It's suffering alone. It's almost unbearable at times. I mean, I try to play it off. I try to remind myself they are busy. I try to remember we all have our own burdens to bear, but...

It's that ever ubiquitous imp nipping at me, telling me to compare, to take things out of context--pushing me into believing I'm the worst off and they are all selfish. Putting themselves and their lives above my pain? How dare they? Who the hell do they think they are? Don't they know my life is worse than theirs and thus they should be helping me?!

Joss Whedon's logic, that we all have pain so loud it often prevents us from hearing the pain of others, gets cloudy and dim and begins to fade away. It gets to the point where I want to believe the lies, because it's easier to be angry than lonely.

I want to believe they are horrible people. That they are wrong and I am right. And maybe I am, but it ceases to be the point. The point is, sadly, that I'm human and there is no cure--not in this lifetime. And that sucks. And so I do anything I can to avoid, hide from, and cover up the pains and frustrations of being alive.

We do all we can to escape ourselves, our reality--the Truth! And often the easiest way to "cope" with this life we were forced to live, is to place blame, instead of looking deeper into ourselves to find the truth and accept it.

I know all of this. I really do. But for a few times a year, I ignore truth and logic and I give in to the lies because every once in a while, I need them. I need to get lost in the emotional side of this experience. I need to be able to place the blame on someone other than myself and humanity and reality. I need to break down. I need to break open. I need to feed the monster until he is so full he will leave running and not return for a while. I need to get it, that thing, that "beast of a thing inside my chest" -as Donald Miller calls it--out, in whatever way I can. And pretty much always, it needs cried out of you.

It's as if all those uncried tears have stored and stored inside and once they reach their maximum capacity in your heart, it spreads to your lungs and stomach, to your throat, all the way to your brain and can only escape from the tears in your eyes and the snot from your nose. And that's it. There's no other way to get that beast, that sharp, tangled, heavy, dark, bleeding beast of a thing inside, out. Even if it's just a few good cries a year, you have to do it.

You feed the monster, get it so full it's sick and it screams to escape, and then just let it do it's thing: let it run. Get angry. Get sad. Get lonely. Give into it and then get it out. No matter how much it hurts physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually--feed the beast until he begs to leave. And then let him go.


So, L, I'm not sure it matters if you tell people your secret. I think it only matters why you tell them. Some may be there for you in ways you never knew you could be loved, while others may never talk to you ever again. That's just how it works because we are human. Because we are broken. Because the cure won't come until the end.

Until then, be you. All of you. For the right reasons. And you will learn, the hard way yes, but its necessary to living, who really loves you, and who, well, doesn't love you as much as you thought they would--or should. And when they don't, hold on to reason and truth as long as you can, but the second you reach that maximum occupancy on your emotional scale, that very second, give in and get it out. All of it, or else it will come back faster and more often than you want it to.

Embrace your humanity L. All of it. God has a purpose for both the truth and the lies. He has a purpose for you. All of you. And if people don't know all of you, because you're too busy hiding it, than He can't use that part of you for His purposes.

So, either way, you know some people will step it up when they get to know all of you, and you know some will drop the ball. But that is life. The life He has given you. Live all of it, no matter how much it hurts, because He planned this whole story out just for you and it would be a shame if you didn't live every chapter and page of it. Go. Do. Live. Tell. Cry. And live again.


Sincerely, Truthfully,

Your Sis, Zoe

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