It's killing me, knowing what I know. It breaks my heart. Because I know what's coming, and I've tried warning everyone, and I feel like no one is listening.
I feel like Noah, knowing what I know about life, and God, and why we are here. I know the flood is coming and I know how to save you all from it, but...it's like I've spent the last eight years building this beast of a ship to help you through this, and you're all looking at me in silence like I'm crazy, like you are sad FOR ME. Allthewhile I'm in my boat frantically trying to get you to believe me and listen to me and change your ways, knowing that if you don't, life is going to sweep you away. Soon, you'll be drowning in your tears just like I have mine for the last eight years. And yet, you're the ones praying for me...it hurts.
All I'm trying to do is prevent a flood from being the only thing that God can do to get your attention, because that's what it took for Him to get mine. And the only way He still has my attention is because it's still raining.
It just breaks my heart knowing what is coming for you, because God loves you and wants all of you, all of your attention, not just whatever is left at the end of the day, or week, or month, or year, and especially not what is left at the very end of your life. He wants you now, all of you, and He will find a way to get you, but it's gonna hurt like hell before it gets better, and I just want to prevent it. I just want you to skip the sad, dark, ugly, empty, lonely, and gut wrenching stuff I went through. And that's why I need you to get in this boat with me, now. Not tomorrow, not next week, not sometime next month, not maybe during the holidays, but now. Now!
The flood will come people. I can promise you that. But that's only if you never get on the boat.
He is here, waiting for you. He tells me that every day. He wants you to listen to Him. He wants you to choose Him above and before everything else. He needs you to know that you can stop everything any time. You don't have to be like me. You don't have to go through what I went through. You don't want o make my mistakes; trust me. And you don't have to wait for something tragic to happen for God to finally get you to pay attention. For Him to finally get you to realize what this is all about and what you're supposed to do with it. The only problem is that, if you're anything like I was, you won't.
You'll think you don't have time. You'll think there's always tomorrow. You think you've already got it pretty figured out. You think you're a pretty good Christian, considering. You think it would be too hard to change, at least right now anyway because there's just too much going on right now. You think you can't do it. You think, you think, you think, and that's the problem. And I know, the truth, and that's my problem.
I have to sit here, waiting, watching, breaking while all of you are praying FOR ME, for tragedy to strike you, waiting for your flood to come. I am cursed with knowing the pain that is to arrive what feels all too soon, even though it couldn't come quickly enough in the grand scheme of things, and I can't do a flapping thing to stop it. I am cursed to relive my mistakes through the ones I love because we are too selfish to understand the urgency of our faith. Because we are too lazy to change now.
A flood is coming, I have the boat that God showed me how to build and kind of made me build, and there's not a soul on this thing with me. It makes me feel like all I can do is come back to shore and hold you while you cry, and...I don't know...it's the most heartbreaking thing ever. I do not know how Christ and God do it. I just dont. It's almost unbearable. It really is killing me....
Tell me, please, how do I get you on this boat? Because nothing but near death and Stills Disease could get and keep my attention, so I don't know how to get yours, and I'm starting to think that neither does God. Maybe sometimes bad things don't just happen, maybe sometimes they need to happen, because that's the only thing that holds our focus long enough on the things that actually matter. If only we lived every day like a flood was coming...we could avoid the storm altogether.
But we don't...and that is why I know the flood is coming and there's nothing I can say or do to get you to understand the urgency of your faith right now, today. Because nothing but tragedy could get my attention back then, and that's why I'm cursed to know that tragedy will soon be here for you, if it isn't already. So, if you feel like your drowning, if you see the storm clouds on the horizon, if you notice it started raining, or if this post actually got your attention, I am here for you. I know what you need to build your boat, I know why all this is happening, I have the authority through experience with God to tell you it will get better, and I will even try to help you build your boat and I will be the crazy one you can blame when the world thinks YOU are crazy and starts praying FOR YOU instead of listening TO YOU. And we can sit in our boats ready to run down to help any and everyone who asks us why we have a ship in the middle of a dry continent. We can be crazy enough to warn, out of love, the utterly dangerous urgency of our faith. We can love everyone, just radically enough, to tell them a flood is coming.
WITH EVERY TEAR OF LOVE I'VE CRIED FOR YOU,
Zoe
zoe.grace.elizabeth@hotmail.com
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